A new workshop for 2010...

Isn't it time to start the New Year right? Isn't it time for a new you? Are you tired of being alone? Pissed off?Frustrated? Miserable?

What Can You Get Out of The Manly Art of Seduction,

the new book by Perry Brass?

The Manly Art of Seduction teaches you how to get what you want (and what he wants!) and to make the two of them come together beautifully. Start with your attitude toward yourself and how to be an active participant in your own life. Learn skills for more truthfulness, connection, and sexual and emotional fulfillment. Gain knowledge of the inner you, and the outer you, your own "issues" and life. All leading to understanding the most basic of human needs, intimacy, through the most basic of human activities, seduction.

THE MANLY ART WORKSHOP: Wednesday, January 20, 2010, at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Center in NY, 208 West 13th Street, 7:30 to 10 pm. Perry Brass and facilitator Jerry Kajpust, M.A., will lead a workshop based on techniques from the book The Manly Art of Seduction to encourage genuine closeness with other men and with yourself. You will learn to deal with rejection, to increase your own communication skills, and leave the workshop growing in confidence to meet others while at the same time using these skills. Cost $20 at the door, $15 in advance. For more information: belhuepress@earthlink.net, or 917 301 3417.


You are invited to the following event:
Manly Art of Seduction Workshop

Date:
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 from 7:30 PM - 10:00 PM (ET)

Location:
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Center
208 West 13th Street
New York, NY 10011

click here to register for the seminar:

Manly Art of Seduction Workshop

Talk vs. Text

Back in the late 90’s when I was working on a master’s degree in Psychology, I remember one of my professors talking about the potential conflict in the near future between emotional and technological development in people. “One thing to keep in mind,” I can remember him saying, “is that unfortunately technology develops about 50 years faster than our emotions.” He predicted that in a few years we’d be a group people with great technological savvy, who unfortunately wouldn’t have developed emotionally to keep up with this technology, nor have the skills to effectively communicate on a personal level. Even though I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by this statement at the time, I knew he was right. Since then, I’ve come to understand his prophetic words.

Ten years ago, electronic communication was still in its infancy compared to today. Cell phones were fewer and not as common nor small enough to fit a hip pocket or an ear. Emails generally more informative and took the format of a written letter, Text generally referred to a book or block of words and sentences, rather than wrd abbrz I type in2 my fone (translation for those of you who still use full words: “word abbreviations I type into my phone”).

Now, I’m all for technology, hey, I have a blog don’t I! And I’ll be the first one to jump online to research something. But I’ve come to understand what my professor was saying. Technology doesn’t always lend itself to good conversation or help to maintain and develop relationships. Communication and listening are becoming a lost art. Communication is more than just words; its feelings, body language and all those non-verbals which were so popular to talk about a few years ago. Good communication is a two-way conversation with the intent of truly understanding the other person.

Think about an email you’ve sent that was completely misinterpreted. You probably ended up with an ongoing series of emails trying to text-plain the intent of your original email (yes, I just make up this word-but I like it). Or maybe you picked up the phone, called the person, talked directly with them and quickly clearing up the misunderstanding.

In a recent training program I facilitated, the question came up...“How do you manage virtually?” As I reflect on that question more and more, I become even more grounded in my belief that the skills needed virtually, are the same as managing in person – effective communication and listening. Without these interpersonal skills, it’s difficult to use a blackberry or email to manage someone. You can’t just text an effective management intervention. We’ve become so good and using technology and it’s great for processing information. It’s not so good at processing people with individual beliefs, thoughts and feelings. Good management means you are insightful, objective and clear, AND that you listen and talk through issues or obstacles that are affecting the other person.

So next time you have something important to communicate to someone, especially if it’s developmental or personal, take the time to try something “old!” Give that person a call, or even better if you can, talk to them in person. You may find that conversation more effective and, ironically, more efficient than a quick text or an email would have been.

A Time for Hope

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and I would have to say it’s a reflection of the summer of 2009. Over Labor Day weekend, I read a great article in the Wall Street Journal by Joe Queenan entitled “The Summer of our Discontent” (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204731804574391143289432918.html) where he talks about the summer of 2009 and overall a very uneventful summer, and in his words “Good Riddance.” It’s been a tough summer for many people I’ve talked with recently. Between a still very shaky economy, poor quarterly returns from most companies and higher unemployment, it’s not been what one call a stellar summer.

I know for me, it’s been a summer of even deeper reflection, questioning, and trying to understand what my place is in today’s marketplace. I’m sure that many people have felt this same struggle. Less and less business opportunities has forced each of us to examine even harder what is our direction and purpose in life.

All I can say is that for me, it’s a time of self-examination, deeper insight and reflection and looking for new and different opportunities. It’s interesting how even with many factors against us, we still strive to look for the positive moments in life and never give up hope. I think that’s the key, hope. I remember a very close friend of mine who he was in a hospice without much of a reality of getting better saying to me, “Once I get well, and out of here, let’s go to Hawaii.” His hope, dreams and belief in life were there until the day he died. I often remember his optimism in these days that test my endurance and belief in life. One thing we can be sure of is change, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. I’m starting to believe that after all we’ve been through it’s time to remember the message of “hope” and things do change and can get better.

Lessons learned from my coach

Coaching comes in many forms and can achieve many goals. This year I signed up for several sessions with a personal trainer or coach at my gym. I also heard a trainer talking about the best way to learn about training is to do something new, different, and challenging. After a rather tough workout, I did some journaling about the experience and those words from that trainer, who by the way talked about her experience taking tango lessons, and here's what I learned...

LESSONS LEARNED FROM COACH BRYANT:

• I need to trust my coach's plan and vision
• I need to allow the process to happen and know it's not just about what I think I want or need; leave it to the expert.
• It's okay to feel the pain, frustration and even grimace - just don't stay there!
• A good coach will see that (my pain and/or efforts), and address it with ways to work through it - providing instruction, support and information on why it's not good to "grimace."
• A good coach will also alter and adjust if necessary, yet still not totally veer off from the original goal.

I think this is a great place to start a coaching discussion...