Back in the late 90’s when I was working on a master’s degree in Psychology, I remember one of my professors talking about the potential conflict in the near future between emotional and technological development in people. “One thing to keep in mind,” I can remember him saying, “is that unfortunately technology develops about 50 years faster than our emotions.” He predicted that in a few years we’d be a group people with great technological savvy, who unfortunately wouldn’t have developed emotionally to keep up with this technology, nor have the skills to effectively communicate on a personal level. Even though I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by this statement at the time, I knew he was right. Since then, I’ve come to understand his prophetic words.
Ten years ago, electronic communication was still in its infancy compared to today. Cell phones were fewer and not as common nor small enough to fit a hip pocket or an ear. Emails generally more informative and took the format of a written letter, Text generally referred to a book or block of words and sentences, rather than wrd abbrz I type in2 my fone (translation for those of you who still use full words: “word abbreviations I type into my phone”).
Now, I’m all for technology, hey, I have a blog don’t I! And I’ll be the first one to jump online to research something. But I’ve come to understand what my professor was saying. Technology doesn’t always lend itself to good conversation or help to maintain and develop relationships. Communication and listening are becoming a lost art. Communication is more than just words; its feelings, body language and all those non-verbals which were so popular to talk about a few years ago. Good communication is a two-way conversation with the intent of truly understanding the other person.
Think about an email you’ve sent that was completely misinterpreted. You probably ended up with an ongoing series of emails trying to text-plain the intent of your original email (yes, I just make up this word-but I like it). Or maybe you picked up the phone, called the person, talked directly with them and quickly clearing up the misunderstanding.
In a recent training program I facilitated, the question came up...“How do you manage virtually?” As I reflect on that question more and more, I become even more grounded in my belief that the skills needed virtually, are the same as managing in person – effective communication and listening. Without these interpersonal skills, it’s difficult to use a blackberry or email to manage someone. You can’t just text an effective management intervention. We’ve become so good and using technology and it’s great for processing information. It’s not so good at processing people with individual beliefs, thoughts and feelings. Good management means you are insightful, objective and clear, AND that you listen and talk through issues or obstacles that are affecting the other person.
So next time you have something important to communicate to someone, especially if it’s developmental or personal, take the time to try something “old!” Give that person a call, or even better if you can, talk to them in person. You may find that conversation more effective and, ironically, more efficient than a quick text or an email would have been.
